


Think Of You Gone

by jessebee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Angst, Forgiveness, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, kiss meme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 03:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessebee/pseuds/jessebee
Summary: Sometimes being freed doesn't actually solve a damn thing.





	Think Of You Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cuzosu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuzosu/gifts).



 

 

Obi-Wan stared at the back of his former master's head, tinged faintly green from the force-field separating them. He'd broken Qui-Gon Jinn out of more than a few prisons, but a cell in the Jedi Temple Detention Center was something altogether new. “Qui-Gon.”

“If you've come to point out the error of my ways,” Qui-Gon said, “you may save yourself the trouble. It has been done.”

In all the many years he'd known the man, Obi-Wan didn't think he'd ever heard Qui-Gon sound quite like that. “Yoda has been to see you, I take it?” he asked, softly.

Only the tiniest shift of shoulders beneath beige tunics and tabards, but the motion fairly screamed. “Indeed.”

Obi-Wan knew pretty much what the old troll would have said, too. “Qui – ”

“Please do not, Obi-Wan. I would prefer to remain alone, in the – solitude this cell was designed for.”

 _I'll bet you do, long enough to put yourself right back down into the hole you were in when we met, after Xanatos turned._ _Well, you're not going to get_ _the chance_ _this time_ _, you stubborn_ _karking_ _son of a bantha_ _,_ Obi-Wan thought, and thumbed the control button harder than strictly necessary.

The abrupt cessation of the force-field's hum brought Qui-Gon's head around, dark-blue eyes sharp. “What is this?”

“This is me releasing you,” Obi-Wan said evenly, crossing his arms over his chest. “The Council has disagreed with you on the assessment of your guilt in this matter – you don't bear any, either for Anakin's decisions or for Micah's.”

“I disagree with the Council,” Qui-Gon said, his head going back.

“Which is terribly surprising, certainly, but I'm still releasing you and escorting you home.”

Qui-Gon's mouth thinned. “As a member of the Council?”

That hurt, and Obi-Wan made the conscious decision to let it show. “As your friend, as your former padawan – ” that closed Qui-Gon's eyes “ – and as one who cares about you, who in fact loves you, although sometimes I confess that I _cannot_ _figure out_ _precisely_ _why.”_

Qui-Gon turned away, but not before Obi-Wan caught the way his old master's face twisted, and that was simply more than he could take. He stepped into the cell and the two paces to put him directly behind Qui-Gon's seated form, and laid both hands on the older man's shoulders.

Qui-Gon twitched under his grip. “Don't.” Hoarsely.

“I'm sorry, Qui-Gon.”

“Are you?”

And oh, but that _truly_ hurt, and Obi-Wan swallowed, reminding himself that beings sometimes said horrible things when they were in pain; hundred little gods knew he himself had. And pain Qui-Gon was in – it was thick in the Force around them, a miasma like oil and acid, burning. Qui-Gon's pain and Obi-Wan's own, too, as well. “You know I am; we settled that years ago. I loved him too, Qui.”

Qui-Gon's next breath was ragged, and Obi-Wan bit his lip. “No one chose Anakin's path but _Anakin_ _himself_. You taught him well, Qui-Gon – he was a Knight, by the confirmation of the Council! You were neither the keeper of his conscience nor responsible for his actions.”

“I didn't – ”

“ _You did._ I was there, remember? For most of his apprenticeship, I was _there_. Anakin made that decision – _it was his choice._ And it was Micah's decision to go after him, to be sure he – ” Obi-Wan had to swallow again. “To be sure he did no more harm.”

Qui-Gon shook his head, but whether in rejection of Obi-Wan's words about Anakin's Fall or Micah's sacrifice, Obi-Wan wasn't sure. Both, most likely. Obi-Wan had been told he himself had a tendency to take on guilt, but anybody who said that had never looked closely enough at Qui-Gon Jinn.

“Obi-Wan… I'm sorry.”

_Here it comes –_

“What I did to you then – ”

“Master – ”

“ – because of Anakin – and now he has – and it _hurts_ to be near you, knowing what I've done. You should go from me. I should make you go. But when – ” Qui-Gon's back hitched against Obi-Wan's chest. “When I think of you gone, I can't breathe.”

Obi-Wan bent over the back of the chair and pressed his mouth to the crown of Qui-Gon's head, burying his face in long, wiry gray hair and that smell that was Qui-Gon's alone, tinged now with sweat and desolation.

Something in Obi-Wan's chest shattered, spilling jagged shards deep into his lungs and his eyes were watering from the pain. He wrapped both arms around Qui-Gon's shoulders and hugged him so hard there'd probably be bruises. He didn't care.

“ _I – am – not – leaving_ _you_ _,”_ he got out, his throat tight, pressing more kisses into Qui-Gon's hair. “You've never yet been able to make me, and this is not going to do it. Besides, Force only knows what insane thing you'd get up to without me.”

A choked sound that might be a laugh, and Qui-Gon's fingers locked around Obi-Wan's forearms and dug in, holding tight. Obi-Wan's hand was captured and lips pressed against his knuckles – Qui-Gon's lips, chapped and dry, the bristly-soft rasp of his mustache against Obi-Wan's own roughened skin, and it was possibly the sweetest kiss Obi-Wan had ever known.

Eventually Obi-Wan found his voice. “Let's go home.”

Slowly, Qui-Gon nodded.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr kiss meme request: _20\. Kisses because everything hurts right now including being loved by you but you’re also the only thing that makes it feel better_ Qui/Obi (cuzosu-blog)


End file.
